only now I discover the existence of sexual bulimia .. but I'm that? I always knew that my behavior something was wrong, but thought this increases the malaise, not guilt help, and I spent the last few years to convince me that I was only free, good, passionate, real, sexual desire of many men! I lived with the discomfort of realizing that they were not lustful glances healthy, but that sneaky feeling of satisfaction and pleasure and appreciation of magnitude wish were mine! I had something of mine .. I was happy! and I grew up believing to be a bitch .. even though I lived stories normal .. But over time the discomfort grew and I decided that with everything I had to live with so peaceful! invent so many excuses to myself not x address the problem .. xkè no use denying it .. there is a problem! the problem is when I do the last of the processes of ke even in their dreams could have been me! xkè just look at you, you talk and you ke would suggest you all x, k and show some understanding and ke begin to tell you you're special, you look at them and think .. do not know how special you should see how special and want to show the top of you .. and salt the desire to kiss and trumpet as if you were their live porn movie!
ecstatic when they ask ki .. but are you? their smell and feel it is always the same, you do not like is sour, disgust, is equal to that of other men to whom you give your body only and is not equal to that of boys with you made love. . that's sweeter, it's good! ke not they use the same scent , ke send me the same negative signal to my mind ..
that of rejection! Yes, I reject them xkè .. I begin to have sex, they do crazy, but the smell, skin, movements, words .. it's all disgusting and vulgar and not wait to end from the beginning! what is normal and free in all this? I am a strong girl, everybody says so, all they expect of me large companies, are intelligent, independent, stubborn, passionate, very passionate, sweet, a friend all x, k and all the friend would ke and everyone is looking in need .. is true, are special as they say, xkè but I can not say NO! I can not say NO! after a night exciting sex with a man I call my friend and tell her ke are in love .. but the second day I spend looking for defects, and when I found them the third day disappear! .. I'd be gone anyway! two days of depressione e ricomincio ancora, ancora e ancora! eppure io vorrei solo un compagno, un complice, un amante, un padre x i miei figli, un uomo e solo due occhi con cui condividere la mia vita, i miei sorrisi, le mie lacrime.. solo UNO! il mio più grande desiderio è avere un uomo e non desiderarne un altro!
sono tre settimane che piango improvvisamente durante attacchi di tachicardia e non mi accorgo che mi sto grattando le mani in modo così forte da crearmi delle brutte lesioni, quando finisco di piangere dopo dieci minuti le mie mani bruciano e il giorno dopo sono piena di croste di sangue. Ho avuto molte crisi in the past, I started to go to analysis at 17 years, I stopped at 25, obsessive compulsive disorder .. I always had the same image repeated in front of me .. never happened .. My father touched me .. never happened! and I have learned to live with , I see, I know ke has never happened and try to focus my attention elsewhere , I repeat .. it's my doc! and work .. .. but now after years can not work this time! I can not live with a problem if the first not admit that there is a problem, I still want to see positive repeating ke are beautiful and desired freedom and solar .. nooo, not so! in reality I try to convince me to be positive thinking what I can tell people in my defense in case you find that the number of men satisfied by me .. but in reality that negative feeling that weighs on my heart, my chest does not go away ..! ke is the first time I make the wrong physically alone .. ke's not nice to happen, I have to love me, xkè only I can love me so much and I can only help me! anyone ..
xkè but so beautiful, desired, loved, appreciated and respected I must go to
beg for the attentions of men who do not deserve me? x only have my when the feeling of power? God. created man as complex in his body .. but the mind is really a black hole ..
risk of being sucked into the black hole of my mind!
0 comments:
Post a Comment