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Si apre la rubrica "Cotto e Buttato!"

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Awareness of emotional dependency did not help

doctor good morning, my name is Daniel I'm 33 years old and I need help. I read your article sula emotional dependency. tell my story would be too long, but I'll make a brief summary.

I grew up in a family "disturbed", where, five years, has come my brother is suffering from a serious heart disease (tetralogy of Fallot), that thirty years ago, took him for a long time e mia mamma in ospedale. il rapporto con mio padre, che fino ad allora ricordo sereno, cambia radicalmente. lui diviene "insopportabile", con un carattere difficilissimo. senza dilungarmi, da li ad oggi, lui è un uomo autoritario, senza rispetto, violento nei modi(non ci ha mai picchiato ma violento verso oggetti si), violento a parole urla, ingiustizie anche nei confronit di mia mamma. mia mamma che lo ha sempre giustificvato e coperto.

a 15 anni incontro quello che diverra mio marito e dal quale me ne separo a 24 anni. lui con me era un tesoro, mi dava tutto, ma non lo amavo, lui, di sei anni piu grande di me, rappresentava e sostiutiva a pieno la figura paterna. con grande dolore il divorzio, dopo two years, she meets Andrei, the pope of my child. beautiful, special, sensitive, sweet, I loved it. but he is the son and also a drug addict. I decide that I save it and that I will feel good. the first two years more or less vannoi BNE, when I get pregnant now passes the delirium, from every point of view, verbal blows psychological violence, a total lack of consideration with respect, lack of accountability, from all the alternate words beautiful fantastic feeling, sweetness, promises (never kept). I give it my all, rather than run away from this thing, I am even more interested in their problems, make contact with the sert, doctors, psychiatrists, now I know more of him than a doctor, lui è psichiatrico e ricorre all'eroina per stare bene. fino alla fine lo sostengo (anche se mi sono allontanta da casa sua), lo imploro di farsi aiutare entrandfo in comunita. lui non lo vuole, mi chiama piangente disperato che ama me e il bambino, ma che allo stesso tempo lui cosi da solo non ce la fa (mi responsabilizza di tutto, anche di farsi), e decide che lui ha bisogno di una donna vicino e conosce un'altra e ci si mette insieme.

sono a terra, di nuovo, so che sono malata, sto seguendo una psicoterapia, ma a volte mi sento ristagnarte e i miglioramenti del mio umore e del mio vivere (ero caduta in una depressione fortissima I weighed 38 kg) has improved, but I realize that my hope was that he did care and did not. because I do not like his son enough. I know they are sick, emotional dependence, I read a lot about it, but the knowledge does not help me to regire in this context. I feel lost Lost with nothing in hand. thanks for listening Daniel

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I got married BUT LOVE ALWAYS HAVE A RELATIONSHIP WITH ANOTHER

Gent. dr. Knight, I would like to expose my "case" hoping that she will help me to give unasvolta to my life. I'm married 37 years three years and have a wonderful child of one year. About five years ago when I was already fidnzata with my current husband I met a ragazzo più giovane di me di un anno; tra di noi è scattata subito una forte passione: ne è nata una storia in cui ho dato tutta me stessa amando senza riserve, come non avevo mai fatto in vita mia. Da parte di questo ragazzo c'era un forte attaccamento ma al tempo stesso un continuo giudicare la mia "dopppia vita". Non comprendeva quanto fosse difficile affrontare il giudizio di amici e parenti, il mio bisogno di trovare in lui un sostegno per poter affrontare il mio fidanzato, che è una delle persone a cui voglio più bene e l'uomo che stimo di più al mondo. Razionalmente intuivo che questo Boy I would just suffer, but I could not invalidates out of that history. Between sobs, insults, separation lasted for months, that relationship went on, hand in hand with my official history. It was not a situation that tended me happy, I shut myself in more and more, I felt dirty and unworthy of my friends. Continunava him to make his life, he would periodically ovviamnete with someone and I had no right to do controversy as I had an official boyfriend. stories were of little consequence, until he began to court a my friend, best friend (see appropriate) to my husband and I realized that lost its head. At that point, I have removed all my strength, I tried to go on. I was next to me with a wonderful man I was (and am) well, that perhaps he had also realized that my heart was elsewhere and I had forgiven him. we went in together and after about a year, during which I had not seen each other , we decided to get married. Three months before the wedding has remade him alive, he did review it resurfaces my feelings ever, stronger and more desperate. He told me ch and I had never Lost and begged me not to marry.

We resumed our relationship, but I do not feel like mel ason derail the wedding. The wedding day I was beside myself , I seemed to attend the wedding of another. We r ivisti after about 15 days and I promised credendci firmly I Saei separate immediately. I could not live without him. After about a month his father fell ill with a severe form of cancer. by then his attitude towards me changed radically: I could not stand by him as he wanted to be vented and treated me like a little good. I sense ch ESI is linking to another person not want to talk to me. His father died; two days later, while he has to be near him, alibis of any kind with my husband tells me I'm not the kind of woman that for him, that his father would not never wanted to own such a and sent me away, telling me that I stay with my husband. I did everything to show the seriousness of my intentions and he has done everything to get away, one day he came to send me a message saying that Veva just made love with another. I collapsed the world on him and I decided to tronacre, while showing diposnibile when he wanted to hear, because it was very bad for the death of his father. I reconciled with my husband, taking to have sex with him. I got pregnant and I have taken very bad, because I wanted a son on the other. He ovviamnete I said all the colors, but after ten days I wrote that was in love with another and she was happy. I just wanted abortion, however the pregnancy has been going well and today thank heaven for that. I thought about him obsessively and to the fifth mese lui ha ripreso a scrivermi, eracontraddittorio: da un lato mi parlava della sua ragazza , senza preoccuparsi di ferirmei, dall'altro diceva che sarei rimasta il suo unico amore. Gli ho chiesto di aspettare che nascesse la bambina, di non fare mosse azzardate. Lui mi ha allontanato di nuovo, è sparito dicendomi che mi odiava. verso settembre si è rifatto vivo, dicendomi che sarebbe andato a convivere con questa ragazza, di cui ad oggi non so ancora il nome, rinfacciandomi continuamente quanto fosse bella e soprattutto giovane (12 anni meno di lui) e soprattutto dicendomi che non era mai stato so well with a woman. From time to time I send messages, always more contradictory until just before entering the delivery room I wrote that I thought. Then all of a sudden I noticed that started to treat me like a stranger, friend whatever. I realized that I was still feeling very strong and I told him, asking to leave me alone. But he ignored my request ; goes away if I'm looking for, but if you shoot me

look like a madman. Currently we write dozens dozens of messages a day, I try to be friend of the drawee, but my heart beats fast for him. What can I do?

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my professor

For the first time in my life or fear of what awaits me I ventitue years and when I say but you're young! It seems to me a threat, I have the easy tears lately and I'm always alone so I'm sorry but when I'm with others I want to be dasola. Studio art and are very self-critical, I feel the weight of all that falls to me, but most can not rely on anyone even on my parents.

I was not always so, but I had a bad relationship with a nuomo and I collapsed everything in here I thought, art, life, adventures, my motto was do what I want ... I am now a clam or a dog that licks wounds but perhaps these wounds I have ever had.

He is my art professor, has 51 years and has with a woman from 12 last year when I saw him I fell in love, there nien in the world like him to have a nno then pretended not to when the school ended, we met to talk about a job, I was almost resigned I was fine, then after lunch he takes me to his house for a coffee but it has turned over and we hugged trembling, we have not separated the whole summer, we stati una settimana in un paese a fare una scultura e lei sospettava,io ho cominciato a soffrire, perchè innamorata sentivo l'impossibilità di questa storia cosi un giorno a fine settembere- ottobre decido di troncare gli accenno il discorso al telefono e lui si agita e forse lei ha notato un suo comportamento strano ed è andata a vedere nel telefonino le chiamate e i messaggi, mi conosce perchè insegna anche lei in accademia,è successo un putiferio, non so cosa è successo in casa loro ma io sono quasi diventata pazza, non ci siamo visti per molto tempo lui ogni tanto mi chiamava ma lei controllava il telefono e io non capivo che stava succedendo, un giorno ci vediamo per fare il punto della situazione e si rompe qualcosa in me, io quel giorno I died, he told me what had happened, who now controls everything I do and I felt used and taken for a ride I felt like he made me a replacement for what in effect is no longer with her a toy, I had no strength to call and see it for a while I started to not believe in anything because of him I was so sure that I put my hand on fire ... I thought initially but will be so great that one can fall in love umo a little like me? Yet I have heard that it was and I believe it is

now started school and we'll see, sometimes we go to lunch together and we exchange tenderness like before, but more restrained, how do you want to spend TEPO still with me after what happened? Why?

What does not make me sleep at night is the idea of \u200b\u200bwhat he thinks, he wants from me? the husband says he does not even see me vule that he needs me, I have to wait that said I must be patient ... But he always returns home from her mother, this behavior is that? cursed the day I asked him but your relationship with her now that love is more work, we wanted a good time there but we still tired ... What do you mean Qusta sentence? vulnerable and say that you've been waiting for? to do that?

I do not expect anything makes me sick and yet I'm almost resigned once from a distance and in silence love him but I understand and I wish someone would help me in this, I tried to inlustrare best what has happened, I do not have enough provable clarity is perhaps easier than it looks

If these lines were read thank

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ALMS OFFERING MY BODY CARE

only now I discover the existence of sexual bulimia .. but I'm that? I always knew that my behavior something was wrong, but thought this increases the malaise, not guilt help, and I spent the last few years to convince me that I was only free, good, passionate, real, sexual desire of many men! I lived with the discomfort of realizing that they were not lustful glances healthy, but that sneaky feeling of satisfaction and pleasure and appreciation of magnitude wish were mine! I had something of mine .. I was happy! and I grew up believing to be a bitch .. even though I lived stories normal .. But over time the discomfort grew and I decided that with everything I had to live with so peaceful! invent so many excuses to myself not x address the problem .. xkè no use denying it .. there is a problem! the problem is when I do the last of the processes of ke even in their dreams could have been me! xkè just look at you, you talk and you ke would suggest you all x, k and show some understanding and ke begin to tell you you're special, you look at them and think .. do not know how special you should see how special and want to show the top of you .. and salt the desire to kiss and trumpet as if you were their live porn movie!

ecstatic when they ask ki .. but are you? their smell and feel it is always the same, you do not like is sour, disgust, is equal to that of other men to whom you give your body only and is not equal to that of boys with you made love. . that's sweeter, it's good! ke not they use the same scent , ke send me the same negative signal to my mind ..

that of rejection! Yes, I reject them xkè .. I begin to have sex, they do crazy, but the smell, skin, movements, words .. it's all disgusting and vulgar and not wait to end from the beginning! what is normal and free in all this? I am a strong girl, everybody says so, all they expect of me large companies, are intelligent, independent, stubborn, passionate, very passionate, sweet, a friend all x, k and all the friend would ke and everyone is looking in need .. is true, are special as they say, xkè but I can not say NO! I can not say NO! after a night exciting sex with a man I call my friend and tell her ke are in love .. but the second day I spend looking for defects, and when I found them the third day disappear! .. I'd be gone anyway! two days of depressione e ricomincio ancora, ancora e ancora! eppure io vorrei solo un compagno, un complice, un amante, un padre x i miei figli, un uomo e solo due occhi con cui condividere la mia vita, i miei sorrisi, le mie lacrime.. solo UNO! il mio più grande desiderio è avere un uomo e non desiderarne un altro!

sono tre settimane che piango improvvisamente durante attacchi di tachicardia e non mi accorgo che mi sto grattando le mani in modo così forte da crearmi delle brutte lesioni, quando finisco di piangere dopo dieci minuti le mie mani bruciano e il giorno dopo sono piena di croste di sangue. Ho avuto molte crisi in the past, I started to go to analysis at 17 years, I stopped at 25, obsessive compulsive disorder .. I always had the same image repeated in front of me .. never happened .. My father touched me .. never happened! and I have learned to live with , I see, I know ke has never happened and try to focus my attention elsewhere , I repeat .. it's my doc! and work .. .. but now after years can not work this time! I can not live with a problem if the first not admit that there is a problem, I still want to see positive repeating ke are beautiful and desired freedom and solar .. nooo, not so! in reality I try to convince me to be positive thinking what I can tell people in my defense in case you find that the number of men satisfied by me .. but in reality that negative feeling that weighs on my heart, my chest does not go away ..! ke is the first time I make the wrong physically alone .. ke's not nice to happen, I have to love me, xkè only I can love me so much and I can only help me! anyone ..

xkè but so beautiful, desired, loved, appreciated and respected I must go to

beg for the attentions of men who do not deserve me? x only have my when the feeling of power? God. created man as complex in his body .. but the mind is really a black hole ..

risk of being sucked into the black hole

of my mind!

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DEPENDENCE AMICALE and behavior patterns

marialuisa Age: 45

friendship addiction and behavior patterns

Dear Dr. Knight

I am a 45 year old woman, unmarried and professional achievement, which lived for most of his life in situazione di dipendenza affettiva e che solo negli ultimi 10 anni ne ha preso consapevolezza. Questo non è bastato a far cessare lo stato di dipendenza, ma indubbiamente qualche progresso vi è stato. La dipendenza affettiva si è sempre rivolta a figure femminili, prima mia madre e poi le mie amiche. Al momento i due uomini che ho avuto come partner, per brevi periodi, non hanno svolto ruoli significativi. Il che ovviamente non è privo di significato, anche se non so bene quale esso sia.

Quello che vorrei sottoporre alla sua attenzione è il modello di comportamento

che accompagna every story of addiction. Usually it starts with a

new friendship, which seems to fill an emotional void that has constantly accompanied my life. In most cases these are people who have difficulty or even marginalized. After an exciting first

period of knowledge, which often (not always) leads to an identification with the other and his life, starting with the difficulties. As you can imagine the loss identity brings with it the adaptation and endurance attitudes and lifestyles that often are not part of my set of values. Below disappointment, frustration and contempt. The lack of expression of my needs leads to end the conflict and the attempt to get back what I gave drives a person to withdraw more and more. The final stage is marked by a growing conflict and suffering and an enormous sense of emptiness, to break. In 20 years this has happened at least 5 times a negative good part of my friendship relations. When friendships are healthy, and luckily in some cases is so, there is no claim, overlap, loss of identity. One of these, for example, takes 30 years.

For many years I have lived these stories as unfortunate events, but at some point the suffering experienced because of a friend took me to a situation of great emotional difficulties and depression, which forced me to recognize that something was wrong. Do not sleep, I was obsessed with his thought I had symptoms of depression and difficulty in performing any activity.

I started reading books on addiction and attend to your website.

know all or most of the theory, but practice is the hard part.

course, as I said, I improved a lot. For example, I note that in many contributions focuses on the subject which depends on its narcissism and other characteristics. But I know, and we all employees we know that first of all we look at our problems and concentrate on care of ourselves. In this sense, the lesson Norwood is one of the most useful to keep in mind. After the last conflict, which occurred a couple of months ago, with my longtime friend (the one that forced me to so much suffering would force me to thoroughly analyze itself) I have had for some time, the temptation to put all my my anger and resentment toward her. But I know that I have patiently return to the path of recovery and therapy. Today the feeling of emptiness is not remotely comparable to 8-9 years ago and is increasingly limited. If ever lasts longer than anger.

In this regard I must say that I have been very useful to read the book "the wound of the unloved," which she certainly knows where he tries to light on patterns of behavior and energy positive and negative that they explicit. According to the author pressures external (including family members) in we generate positive and negative flows of energy, which follow a certain pattern precisely. Despite my efforts I can not connect to my model family dynamics and the pressures exerted by them on me. I know my family is disturbed in the sense that in it I starved of love and recognition and was not a family willing to talk about feelings.

My mother is an employee and I think I have the idea of \u200b\u200ba men not positive, and in its role as the victim was unable to give me the love I needed . My father is authoritarian and a man who can hardly express affection. I know you love me and I can not feel any resentment towards of them, although in the past have given their many faults.

In this context, my addiction will have a sense that if she understood I could end up in better deal. Why do I address my addiction to women? The steps that I described that have meaning? I wondered whether a homosexual behavior, but I feel no attraction to the female gender and I feel for the male rate. But it did not represent the most important emotional experience far. I wonder if there is a separation between eros (to men) and agape (toward women).

If my speech was published I would say to all women who suffer from addiction that can alleviate the pain of love and to limit the suffering. In these 10 years in spite of myself I had to make enormous efforts to understand and analyze myself, to try to understand and try to love. But this occurred only and exclusively when I left the role of victim, and I shifted the focus of the other (or another for most of the women ) to myself.

Thank you for your attention and for this site

marialuisa

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I CAN NOT FEEL IT 'WITH YOU OR' WITHOUT YOU

mouse Age: 23

Hello everyone, I read about people suffering for love and I feel a bit 'less alone. So 'that could cure me cure me but I have not I can tear myself away from him. My only reason for living, why I get up in the morning and if there is (which is very frequent, even daily) I would not exist and in fact do not exist. I no longer have a life away family and friends, I overlooked because I suffered from depression, ho tentato il suicidio e un disturbo alimentare che era anoressia è diventato mangiare per consolarmi e che schifo. Lui è sposato e per di più con una parente stretta. vi ho già detto tutto. nessun futuro per noi lui ha la sua vita e non la lascierà mai ma io non sono in grado di scappare ho sempre bisogno di conferme che lui mi dà nonostante la realtà e di fare l'amore ossessivamente. Nascondere a tutti un amore immenso coprmi di falsità e bugie rinunciare ad una normale vita di una ragazza della mia età. non ce la posso fare da sola sono arrivata a fare cose assurde per vederlo 10 minuti. Se chiedo aiuto lo perdo ma mi sto' uccidendo e ho di nuovo pensieri suicidi quando lo vedo con lei. Fanno l'amore e io non ce la faccio più. lui dice di amare entrambe ma io non ce la faccio più. Sola disperata non voglio più vivere senza lui ma non sto più vivedo per stare con lui AIUTO

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ATTITUDE CONTROL Suddenly I found

gizia Età: 47

Ho 47 anni, sposata da 21 anni con due figli di 19 e 15 anni. La mia storia fino a due anni fa è comune a tante altre. abbiamo costruito insieme tante cose, raggiungendo un discreto stato sociale. Lui calmo e razionale devoto alla famiglia e al conto in banca, io un pò more robust organize and plan. affectionate with me and the children he is always attentive and caring , I most certainly passionate but also a little more aggressive than him. the first crisis began two years ago when I noticed a certain detachment and indifference towards me and also to their children. I tried to talk to understand what was happening, but I insisted niente.Lui beginning to feel depressed, crying pr anything did not feel like doing anything. At that point came to light something about me that until then had never discovered : the brutal attitude of "control". are able to go into the details of the phone calls of his card and I noticed a number that was repeated daily for at least three or four times, but he systematically erased from the call list. I managed to locate the last three digits, and when I called I was surprised because across a man told me. I had never considered this possibility , partly because the strong sexual attraction that there was always with my husband could not make me think he could have a wild distraction for a man. I talked to him once and he confessed that with this gay guy there was a feeling only intellectual but never physical. He felt nothing physically but to speak with him made him feel good and light. I went immediately by a psychotherapist to help me in this matter, only I did not know where to start . Were two years long and difficult but at the same time constructive, I think, as he slowly came back and this quiet. Everything up to two months ago about where I started to notice my husband a little weird and detached. The inevitable question "what happens", but granted the answer "nothing." At that point, the anxiety and fear has breached sulla ragione ed è riaffiorata la bestia, ovvero l'atteggiamento del controllo........Ancora una nuova scoperta di un numero, diverso da quello di due anni prima, ma che costantemente chiamava e cancellava e la voce dall'altra parte era sempre quella di un uomo...Ho provato a parlargliene di nuovo, ma questa volta è scoppiato come una furia dicendo che lui aveva bisogno di libertà, sentiva stretto il matrimonio, non voleva più le responsabilità e da quella sera non è tornato più a casa. A chi cerca di parlarci dice che non mi vuole mai più vedere, mi sta descrivendo un mostro che l'ha soffocato e represso. Io non riesco a credere a tutto ciò, mi sento lacerata e non so che fare. Anzi ciò che devo fare forse lo so: non devo cercarlo......ma è tanto difficile, non dormo perchè i pensieri mi affollano la testa, non riesco a mangiare perchè il senso di vomito è più forte. Il pensiero è fisso e il tempo non passa mai. Aiutatemi

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THAT 'ONE OTHER PERSON

ANGYGIRL Età: 33

Si,esistono tanti modi di tradire una persona che ti ama.

Ed io ne ho ricevuto uno, solo dopo 4 mesi di matrimonio. Un matrimonio sognato per 12 anni di engagement, we were kids, 12 years where I never sme sso marlo more than a moment of my life and to repeat that he was my only happiness . Then one evening, after four months of marriage, in which I felt

already fed up, I saw him wandering around the house, our beautiful home without joy, like a fish out of water in which there looking for me almost never do love, rejecting my advances because I was aggressive (kiss a little more passionate ). I said, one evening I go to sleep a little before he left to look

TV, then I wake up are 3:30 at night, not is in bed, I wake up I go to look in the room, beginning in the shadows do not see it, I'm still sleepy then I realize and start my real dark, is kneeling in front of the TV volume zero masturbating. Shaken my legs tremble remain immobile in the doorway to an infinite time then as I approach automation almost 30 cm, I say, "What are you doing-and it is not my voice, I have another not recognize that voice, he mutters laza shooting now I this had to happen!? then says it is not justified as I invented nonsense.

that scene, that squalor in front of my eyes are always the Risognanze me every night since then, almost two years ago. Do not tell you the scenes that are happened next, where he gave me the crazy, told me that he likes sluts (sorry for the strong words), which I do not get excited that I see as a ' angel (let alone) to take away all desire, all dignity of women.

Not only has he told all his friends to work, people that he called idiots, people who have cheated on his wife in the night when those poor were pregnant, who he singled out as a country priest, the said said in the third person, and boasted of the fact that they replied that it was a poor man to bear a person's gender . I found someone else, my sweet love was gone, the our story is over, the introverted and shy person that can make me feel loved is gone, left me a note on wrote I AM very very sorry in English even in Italian something incredible roses I have thrown in the garbage can, I have never apologized, lost and still of us that he I have never betrayed. Mine has collapsed world, has betrayed my trust, if he does this at home what it is capable of doing out? has betrayed our relationship, says that love me will never leave me, that are the only one who want to masturbate but then he'd rather do love with his wife after only four months? I do not believe him more, sometimes I not seem to love him and sometimes I'm afraid to lose it, fall in love with another woman betray me again. Making love has become a suffering, for me llora a mechanical thing, gymnastics, do not try anything to level of feelings and nothing on the physical level is worse even after I try to see if they still do in ways that I am to say because even I am ashamed to write . I'm so bad that I decided to go to a psychologist and this makes me even more angry, because he has reduced me so I do not deserve ...

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abuse me

SOLEMARE Age: 33

Me Enamore ARE A MAN'S ITALIAN, MY FIRST graved ... I WAS HAPPY IN MY PAIS ... SANTO DOMINGO ... HIM IN ITALY. .. AFTER ARRIVAL IN ITALY, ME GROOM, AND LIVE WITH HIM ... HIS PARENTS AND NEIGHBORS ... AND ME SENTIDO MALTRATATA, CO AGREDIDA WORDS OF THE MOTHER OF MY HUSBAND, ALWAYS cuando LUI NO C'E A CASA, LE HO RACCONTATO A LUI DI LO CHE ACADE CON SUA MADRE IN MIO CONFRONTO E MAI ME ASCOLTO.. MI SONO SPOSATA I IL 2003, NIENTE PRIVACY DI MARITO E MOGLIE, E NATO MIO BIMBO TUTTI FELICE!, MA IL TRATO A ME BRUTTO,E MALTRATO, LUI MI LIMITA IN MIA CRESCITA, IO ME DEDICO A MIO PRIMO FIGLIO MA SUOI GENITORI NO ME TRATANO BENE...MALTRATI SEMPRE INFELICE IO. SONO DI NUOVO IN GRAVEDANZA IN IL 2005, PARLO CON LUI...E ME FA CAPIRE DI ABORTIRE.. IO NO VOGLIO...E NATA MIA BELLISSIMA FIGLIA ADESSO 5 ANNI, LA CUAL LA MADRE DI MIO MARITO A 4 MESE DI NATA HA DETTO CHE NO LA AMA A SA NIPOTE... DOPO MI TRADIMENTO E ME MALTRATO WORDS, WORDS WITH MY HUSBAND, I AM AN ITALIAN DOMINICAN, AND HE CONTINUES TO MALTRATARME .. WITH WORDS.