beautiful Age: 26
Hello, I'm a young girl, pretty and educated, I do not defects, the parents have separated, but get along with each other, since they teenager I have always forged ahead, and since childhood I have always been a risk of anorexia, but not I never really fall deeply into the bad because my mind has always prevented me. I love the history behind some serious ended badly, including a lightning marriage with the man I thought was of my life, but in reality I knew far too little to judge him properly, and from which I got fooled, because he was a traitor serial, squandered the money on vices various (drug-alcohol-valuables) and not respected me in any way. From him I had a child, at some point the my salvation (I do not know if you can call it that) was infatuated of my current partner, this three years ago gave me the strength to leave my husband.
now after leaving it, I began a relationship with my occasional current partner, who became serious about two years, are in fact involved their families and children (he is 14 years older than me and is separated with children).
admit however that my low self-esteem, fear of not having at my side a male figure to help me with my son in a practical sense as well affective and low confidence in the possibility of finding a good man
you love me (I or they all seem too perfect to be with me, or the
bad people ...), I have made too many errors accepting that my companion
made in recent years. Only a few days ago thanks to a friend I realized that maybe my could be an emotional dependency and not true love, but I do not know if give serious consideration to this aspect or, if put a joke. The problem is, though because every time he misses me, after the bitter disappointment, anger that try to open my eyes and dream as a possible life without him, in reality, I never force to leave and as often as I left it in the past (the beginning of the report)
the end, I always forgiven and we put back together.
I thought it was the greatness of our love keep us together despite everything but browsing this site I realized that mine is a slavery is not just love.
This slavery has increased over time since both depend more from him in practical sense, because I had changed his work deals with much more than my child, and since I confessed to her illness, dependence
game (and most likely, I suppose, also by drugs)! Since then only have forgiven many things (theft of various items and money and lies different), but I started to see it through different eyes, and before I could see his lies and
his faults as a sign of his wickedness (For these reasons several times the
avevo lasciato) in seguito ho iniziato a vedere quei fatti come segno della sua debolezza e fragilità. Così alle paure per il mio futuro si sono associate le paure per il suo. Ho cercato di aiutarlo in tutti i modi e sebbene sia migliorato, periodicamente trova il modo per accedere a dei soldi (suoi o prestati) e sperperarli nel gioco o in qualche droga. Oltretutto è una persona dolce, che mi ama (probabilmente dipende anche lui da me) e mi aiuta molto in casa e col bambino e quindi mi è ancora più difficile lasciarlo!
Mi rendo conto però che non posso credere in un futuro con lui, perché with him you can not design anything (I struggle to let him keep enough money to make spending) and then I'm too afraid of the repercussions that its problems could have on my person and especially for my son.
So I'm living hand to mouth and no longer understand myself and my desires. I think clearly the days of having to leave, others feel love him so much and dream that he heals in order to realize our future, others feel intensely afraid to leave him.
My friends say that when I am no longer in love and I can leave I also would like to believe because in other cases I've done it, but he did not feel like me . Sometimes I think I need an excuse, like a betrayal his part or even better on my part. In the past I have sabotaged some reports with betrayal / new love, because they know that I have hurt those who loved me created these guilt feelings, and hopes the new report, which I always had the strength to close the ongoing story, but this time I break this vicious circle and let the person I love without trade ....
Help Thanks
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